Friday, September 19, 2008

Over stressed and can't even do one thing how I was supposed to

Well, I finally broke down crying, but for the stupidest of reasons. I got the chance to go shopping for the suit my dad wanted today, and I went searching for what he told me he wanted, because he told me that he trusted my judgment on it and that he knew I would get one like my mom would pick out - so out I set to find the perfect suit to match what my dad had described. My sisters joined the hunt and one of them flicked through a few suits at the first store she went into until she found one that looked good to her, darted off to see if my dad liked that one. Was nothing like what he had told me he wanted, but he's in the same mindset I am of "I'll do what anyone says to do". It's a VERY nice suit, and one that he now has his heart set on I guess, but the cut is *totally* different from what he had asked me to find him, and the color is off from what he had requested, and.... and now, because the suit has changed, the things I had found in the first two stores I had gone to no longer work, and the things I had here at home will no longer work with it, and the stuff I had all planned out and was confident on where to find it is no long proper... it's all tossed out and useless and I have to figure out replacing it.

I suppose the top it off point on my breakdown was two-fold. Two things that just kind'a unbalanced my poor brain.

First: At the last store we went to I ended up with a shirt I had not even known I had in my cart. I wanted to look at the options so I knew where to grab things from when I went into town tomorrow, but I had not wanted to buy it tonight, because I wanted to come home and see if he had the shirt here already. Someone tossed one into my cart without me knowing though. One that is the wrong size even. Now I have to take that back to the store and get my money back for it tomorrow. At least finding the shirt explains why the bill when I checked out was over $20 more than I had expected it to be - shirt cost $22.

Second: I had just one mission - find the suit my dad asked for - and I failed so damn miserably on it that I can't even focus brain on "breathe" at the moment. I don't even have any confidence in my ability to find what *I* am supposed to be wearing because I just totally botched that one simple mission that I should have been able to do blindfolded.

It just has me completely stressed out and wanting to scream and thinking "why the hell do I need to do anything?" I should just leave this all to my siblings to take care of as they have so far, I'm not important in this equation. Just proved that in spades.

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