Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Waiting for a sign someone cares

Have you ever tried to wait for someone to come visit you without telling them that you have something that they want? I find it rather interesting that the only time anyone ever wants to see a person is when they want something from that person - at least that is my personal experience. It really sucks, in my humble opinion, but that is what I have come to discover. In regards to anyone who might come to see me, or most of the people who might call me, I can guarantee that 99 times out of 100 the person only visits or calls because there is something that they want that I can provide. In the times that I have had someone call me about things that were not beneficial to them, say to ask me to go somewhere, I have invariably (every time so far) been left sitting at home all ready to go and either stood up or called at the last minute to be told "Can't do it after all" or "I got someone else that is doing it with me, so will catch you another time".

I have no idea what makes me stay here. I love these people, I want to be around them, but... I am so damn tired of the hurt that accompanies the constant reminders that I am only wanted around if I can provide the people I care about with things they need when they have nowhere else to turn. And when I do provide help , I am never given even so much as some of their valuable time to sit and talk and visit. You would think that hundreds of dollars in loaned out cash and assorted other favors would equate to someone actually caring enough to offer me a kind word in person rather than only seeing me in person the next time there is a need for money or a favor. Right now, the things that I get for my loyalty and what I give of myself, I can get everything I am given back from anywhere in the world. So... why stay close to them?

I'm not sure I can figure it out. But they are definitely pushing me more and more toward leaving by their lack of caring if I am here or not unless they need me. I have something for someone, have had it tucked away for months now, but I will be damned if I am going to call them and say "I have this for you" only to have them show up, take it, and then forget me again until they know I can do them another favor or something.