Ramble... mostly just because I need to.

I know that there are a lot of things that I should be doing, but my brain keeps slipping and I just get up and wander around the house without really noticing what I'm doing or why. Things keep coming to me that I need to do, I think of stuff and try to note it down on a small pad, but... but.

I'm the strong one. I keep telling myself that. When dad needs something I quickly dry my eyes and force my voice to be even and myself to be strong for him. Mom's dog, Ghingis Khan (Wookie), just lays where he can see the door and watch for her to come through it. There is no way to explain to him that she will not be coming home, I just hope that unlike me, he can find it in him to eat something and not stress out to the point that the mere thought of food is unwelcome. Dad's eating, I'm grateful for that, and I forced myself to drink a slim fast last night, but I'm not sure I can force myself to do that today. Drank coffee this morning, went to warm it up when it was only 1/3rd down and stared at the diluted coffee in my cup and decided there was no sense in adding more coffee to it, I've been sipping the diluted mixture for a few hours now.

Just keep telling myself, I'm the strong one. Me and mom both knew that we were strong, I just need to carry on how she would expect me to and be strong enough to make sure that everything that she always took care of is still taken care of.