Escapism

I've been watching a lot of TV over the past few days. I've never been much for watching television, but, well... it seems to be a sanity line for me at the moment I suppose. I'm sitting here zoning out on everything from reruns of series I had been told I should watch 6 years ago to commercials and everything in between. About the only thing that I have been avoiding is the news, I've never been much of a news person - it's too depressing for me, but I have even been watching the news when all else has failed.

I guess watching tv is how I avoid thinking about my mom not being here, how I avoid thinking about how impossible it is going to be for me to manage to keep my parent's home. Last night, when I went to bed, I could not stop crying. Here I am, nearly 40 years old, and I have nothing to show for my life that any bank, or anyone else, would consider worth risking letting me take over a massive mortgage on. I'm scrabbling, trying to think how to save my parents' house, but every time I make a list of possible ways, I end up scratching it all out and going back to watching TV to escape from the sheer pressure of it all.