Happy Holidays?

One of the things I have been finding hard to think about at the moment is the holidays. It just seems like too difficult of a thing to contemplate not having mom here for the holiday season. For me she is still here in spirit, but I want her here in person, I want to hug her and talk to her and play chess and gin rummy and all the other games that we used to play and were going to be playing again this winter.

We had the games all collected, things we wanted to play this winter to ward off cabin fever. Now here I am, looking around and wondering if I really need to face the holidays. Do I need to decorate things for Halloween and Thanksgiving? I should be out there now putting lights along the eves of the house so they are up and ready before the snow gets here. They would not be lit yet, but they would be up before the weather gets too cold to work without gloves. The lights would be ready for December when the grandkids are wanting to bring their own kids to Grandma's house to see the giant pile of toys under the beautifully decorated tree. We might not have expensive gifts each year, but we always made sure to get a few things for everyone, creating a nice large pile of gifts under Grandma and Grampa's tree.

I don't even want to decorate the tree this year. I might change my mind as time goes by, but for now... I don't want to think about any of it.