Monday, September 05, 2011

Depression sucks, particularly when it keeps you up

I suppose it is how quickly my mom passed away, and having been there holding his hand as my father passed away, but there are some nights when I just can not bring myself to go to bed no matter how much I really need and want to go sleep. A fear, that I know is unreasonable, that it is another day past in my life as soon as I do, and I am not ready for my life to be going by as fast as it has.

Like I said, it is a pretty silly concern, but that does not make it any easier to go lay down on nights when the unease and concerns settle in at the back of my mind and start whispering that I have too much to do to spend my time sleeping, or that I can't sleep because of one reason or another.

Logically I know that I could get more done if I got more sleep, but logic rarely comes into play when someone is dealing with irrational fears and depression, and I am dealing with both, so I think I'll go play with my 3D rendering programs until I can't stay awake any longer.